Thank you for your input - I actually did struggle a lot with the poly dynamic early on in our relationship and there was a lot to overcome there - I've actually not had any conscious struggles with it in quite some time, but it could be that I'm assuming "I'm already passed those hurdles" and not realizing that they are still tripping me up. I certainly would not recommend it for everyone (especially those with mental illness). One of the reasons I sought polyamory out to begin with was because I did not trust monogamy - maybe it's cynical, but I genuinely believe that monogamy requires a certain level of dishonesty in order to work (pretending you never notice anyone else is exhausting to me). It's definitely worth examining if there is a fundamental part of me that has never let myself "take root" because of the nature of the relationship, and I will take time to consider that. That issue may run deeper than simple relationship style preference. "Too much openness" could also be part of why I'm feeling overstimulated and seeking isolation. Even though I'm pretty comfortable in that aspect of our relationship, it's always worth taking a closer look and I appreciate your feedback!