((McKell))

et al?

I like to think of myself as a whole person who has just recently accepted the fact that there are parts of me that were hurt years ago and frozen in time because of the hurt. My hope is that by acknowledging my inner child I will be able to understand myself better, my reactions and my feelings and my relationships with myself and others.

I question the benefits of therapy approximately every other session--no I take that back, probably every session. It hurts like hell. Just the other day I said to whoever would listen that when I began therapy at least I was functioning better. But then I remembered what brought me into therapy to begin with and even though I was functioning better on the outside, I do not want to (and probably can't) be that same person again on the inside.

So I keep going. I wish I had the guts to bring this teddy with me, like a friend of mine did. But, I have played with beeswax in session, sort of like play do, to keep my hands busy.

Rather than think of it as a disorder, can you think of it as an awareness of self?

Peace