I've felt like that for so long.

I agree with the others. When it's that bad, you're only going to beat yourself up over the big things. Look to the smaller things. Improve what you can in this day. Don't berate yourself for what is currently beyond you. Plan to work up to the other things, but allow yourself to walk before you run. Encourage yourself instead of goading yourself. That's a hard skill to learn.

Don't be ashamed that you are setting what seem like unworthy tasks to start with. It truly does not matter how you get there. What matters is lifelong growth and improvement, with the inevitable set-backs.

Shame is so hard to alleviate. But you are trying. That is worthy in itself.

Hang in there. Keep trying different things.