I think it is hard for some not to judge in general because they have their own problems and feel some sort of pleasure from this judgement. Yes there are people who use drugs doing illegal things to maintain their habits. There are scandlelous people who do drug and scandalous people who judge. The media is terrible when it comes to the portrayal of addicts.

I have been an addict for most of my life. I hurt myself and my children. I was controlled by this drug for so long. Then I got control of that drug. Yeah. I use to this very day. I do not use if I do not have the money for it. I work. I have a wonderful relationship with friends and family. Unfortunately none of them know I use this drug. I don’t know how I became a functioning drug addict.

I am not proud. I am forced to lie to everyone I know because of this judgement and my own fear of persecution. I pay my bills. I don’t compromise my values in anyway except for the non disclosure of my use. I know this drug will eventually put me at an early death. I would like to get away and free from my addiction. I cannot function without it.

I try often and end up suicidal in just a few days with the serious depression. I suffer unimaginably over those days without. I won’t get out of bed for weeks. Until I want to die. Then I go back to this drug for relief. I cannot afford to not use this drug. My employer would fire me if I didn’t go to work. I am no longer trying quit. I miss too much work.

Every once in a while I will take a few days vacation. I try to quit. I spend that time in my bed suffering. I fail again. Fortunately I earn tips daily to afford this habit. People think I am doing well when I am high and if I am not they get concerned for my mental health. I want to discuss my situation and ask my doctor to give me something that will help me function too. They say this is self medicating. The medical doctor can help an addict by prescribing something and do medication monitoring for addicts like me. I am taking medications anyway.

I have taken meds my entire life. I will take them the rest of my life. In fact I get an injection of Resperidol every two weeks for the last 10 years. They say they don’t want to prescribe drugs that are habit forming. Wtf. 10 years of this legal prescription drug. They could help me. They could give me something to help. Who cares if it is addictive. At least it wouldn’t be poison like the stuff I use to maintain.

God only knows what this stuff they make actually is. It’s illegal, it’s poison, but I cannot survive without it. The doctors could help many addicts, but we are forced to self medicate. Addiction to illegal drugs could be better managed by the health care system. Many addicts could have a normal life with a simple prescription drug. If I have to take my normal meds for life. What is the difference?