Hello. I am 31 years old and during the past few days I have been feeling anxiety and fear because of some problems that I have.

I don't know why I am like this, and my problem seems difficult to put into words.

To be direct, I worry about what thinking is, what words are, and why we as humans understand out own thoughts and what that all means.

Basically sometimes, out of nowhere, I become aware of myself, and my own thoughts, and my own existence, and it just feels weird to me what this all is. It seems confusing to experience my own thoughts and to understand them. What is understanding? When we are thinking, why we do understand our own thoughts? It could well be that we were unaware of them and they were just gibberish sounds, but we put them in correct grammar, we understand them.

This confuses me and is paradoxical. I want to get free of this and just be normal. I want to be ignorant of this like I was before and not worry about it.

I try to get myself out of it by realizing that everything is okay, and that we evolved in this universe out of lower creatures that did not know how to think, and to which thinking was meaningless and non existent, but we somehow evolved a brain, and this brain can look at the world, and associate little sounds with objects and actions, and it is smart enough to put them together to form sentences. And so thinking would simply be little sounds put together to make something that exists or could exist in the world.

But still it feels weird to me to exist and to be here now and to think. It's seems strange. It's like I don't really know what I'm doing. It feels that in reality we don't really know what we're doing, we just do it and are unaware of it. But I am aware of it and it bothers me.

I would like to think that it's all fine and good, and thatw e are here because the universe exists and probably has always existed, and reality is here. This is what reality is. And this is where I am. And this is what I am thinking. It feels confusing to me to be here now, but that's where I am.

Please help me get over this, help me feel normal and accept what is.

I think I need a psychiatrist, but I don't want to take medicines because I am very sensitive to my psyche and I don't want it to change for the worse.

Thank you