I used to have all the guns ... carried them all the time ... even took one to my first pdoc visit (it was my last with him - his call not mine) ... slept with guns under my pillow ... knew cars were following me ... used to drive very fast to "lose" them ...

I really do not know why , when or how ... but one day I decided if they want me they can have me ... and I just gave up and gave in to the fear ... there was nothing they could do to me that was worst than I was doing to myself ... it is a very fatalistic view .. but I am just waiting for them to get me ... strange as it seems I can live with that ... my last psychologist said I was suffering from ptsd over my childhood ... but I really am not sure about that ... either way it is only paranoia until they get you ... then it is fact ... JMO... one really badly damaged tigger ...