I have had issues with suicidal ideation for a long time. Luckily I have never acted on it. However I will get very strong urges. Like lately I am realizing how easy it would be.

I am conflicted because I don’t think I want to necessarily kill myself but I want to take them Also I refuse to give them to someone to hold like my T wants me to. I think it is a control thing. Just the urges get strong at times and with my work issues it is getting worse.