I'm not searching for a purpose or meaning to life. There is none, in my eyes. I've lived my life believing this and filling it with good experiences, and when I DON'T want to kill myself I don't know how to conjure up a meaningless meaning I can stick to. Every time I find a meaning and feel better it's considered a freakin break from reality and I end up trying to do the right thing and every one says it's a wrong thing.
I would be fine on my own, but unfortunately there's just too much damage done. I'm being mocked for being unable to eat and sleep. Why is there pizza in the street? Literally my life is no different and I don't think humans are any more important than ants. More destructive, violent, aggressive, etc sure, but it's the same process.
Maybe my purpose can be to make the worst species to exist on this planet that we know of go extinct.