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Originally Posted by Thalassophile
It's about always trying to see if their actions are in the best interest of the client or are they doing/saying something based on themselves. Of course, their judgement might be slightly clouded
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Not "slightly", unfortunately..Strong feelings cloud judgment strongly.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Thalassophile
but a good T IMO will also be able to see that and it can be why consulting with other T's is also important.
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Not in my experience. The therapist who had a platonic "love" for me couldn't see **** precisely bur he firmly believed that he was acting in my best interests when he wasn't. He did consult with his colleagues but that didn't help him clear his judgment. The whole reason why strong feelings of any nature that T feels toward client are destructive is because they make him unaware of how his judgement is clouded. And those who are aware of that refer clients out when they truly think of their clients and their own best interests which are not mutually exclusive but, in fact, can only co-exist.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Thalassophile
We can't control our feelings but we can control what we choose to do WITH those feelings
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Not when your judgment is clouded, which is mostly the case in this situation.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Thalassophile
I don't think it's as simple as if a therapist has intensely strong feelings for a client they must refer them is all I was originally trying to say really.
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You don't have to refer them immediately once you realize you feel strongly about them. Sometimes, honest self-reflection and tracing the origin of the feeling will make the feeling dissipate or will lessen its intensity greatly.
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Originally Posted by Thalassophile
I mean if that was the case clients would be moving around a lot!
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I see nothing wrong with that. It's a much better outcome for me that to be stuck with a "love-sick" or angry therapist who doesn't know what he is doing but believes that he does. But the movement of client wouldn't be necessary if the whole system worked differently, which is an entirely separate discussion.
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Originally Posted by Thalassophile
This may or may not be a good analogy but I have lots of feelings for the people I work with.
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That's fine, Not all the feelings you have as a T are obstacles for doing a good work. If they are mildly negative (irritation, not anger) or not intensely positive (liking a client vs "loving" them) they could be constructive. They could give you ques about what the client is feeling and could become a great opportunity for you to work with your Shadow so to speak. Feelings of mild intensity don't have a grip on you and allow you to create a necessary distance between them and your objective neutral observer that makes decisions about what to do and what not to do.
But here we are discussing "love" for a client, which I prefer to call a "temporary insanity" that therapist experiences. This type of feelings IMO is way too intense and, frankly, toxic for a T to be able to fulfill his/her duty. The only responsible thing a T is able to do in this case IMO is to be honest about the reality of what's going on, to recognize that he is currently not in a mental state that is required to do his job well and to refer the client to someone who can serve them better.