well that's it. I managed to psych myself out. Just when i need help/support, i'm afraid or awkward and don't know how to ask for it. I'm trying to wean myself off a Facebook addiction, but that's where i feel most comfortable...and even that, I feel so awkward or depressed sometimes.

I still don't know what's wrong with me or if there's any hope of recovery. I've already axed two therapists, getting frustrated that I'm not really making progress. however, at least I don't think I'm any worse off since that, so maybe I was right. Life is just hard and sucking right now. Of course I'm gonna be moody! bleh.

edit: sadly i've gotta say it. coming on here is depressing me. It's not you guys. I think...I wonder if this is my hypomanic-the dysphoric feeling. I get impatient with myself and i either go off in some rant or I don't say anything at all and hate on myself for wasting time. This has happened before. I'm really looking for a place, but sadly i can't seem to find it, or I just don't know what I'm doing to make my way anywhere. Maybe this is that emptiness or confusion of myself that is related to borderline. hmm, should i post there?? Gah! I feel like such a fraud not knowing what's going on with me and posting about things I've no clue about. ...ok, i'd better stop.