When I was a teenager, I told my friend how I'd been thinking about suicide. She took me to her church and I found community, something I had never experienced before. I found my faith and became dedicated. Eventually, I quit attending because I was struggling with something on a deeper level that no one seemed to understand. That and my pastor began asking questions about my home life (which wasn't a good one) and I couldn't "sell out" my dad like that. Years went by but I kept faith and it did help me with my depression ever so slightly.

I don't know what happened. Time, suffering, people attempting to push religion on me, or maybe all of the above. I tried to attend church last year to feel what I once did. I didn't and still don't. How can I feel "community" when judgemental eyes won't stop staring. Yeah, it helps some people and every church is different, but I can't put my faith and dedication into something artificially. If my faith returns, then so be it, but I don't believe it will help me out of this psychological torment.