Hello everyone,

I am new to this forum and decided to join in order to share my experience and desire for help regarding the traits that have been negatively affecting my relationship with my partner. These traits are narcissist and autism-spectrum traits.

For those who share similar traits that negatively “flare-up” in your relationship and threaten the health of it, how do you deal when you have the “negative energy” arise that accompanies these tendencies.

For example when stress from things my girlfriend says and mentions arise in me, if I don’t catch It in myself I quickly can get to a place of such disconnect and isolation that she becomes the enemy and I start to project all the “icky” feelings of isolation and disconnect that come with the narcissist episodes. I can’t easily ask for her help if I am struggling in my brain with following what she is telling me, especially if it is a stressful conversation. I have a hard time remaining calm enough to continue to reach out to her if I am struggling in brain chatter, or negative thoughts towards her that are untrue and based in my own fears.

She has continued to be there even when I have had these episodes but it is clear, because she herself struggles with trauma from her past and serious health issues she can’t take these episodes much longer. And I need to change.

When these episodes occur I become mean and begin projecting onto her the stress as I feel self-centered energy and my brain becomes clouded. If we do end up breaking through to me and I face my actions I can easily slip into feeling not good enough or like I did something bad, which I actually did by treating her poorly and at times gas lighting her without me knowing.

Do other people here with narcissist traits paired with autism spectrum disorder traits struggle in relationships? If so please tell me things that have helped you stay connected and trusting to your partner when you are having episodes. I love her so much and desire more help.

I have been in cognitive therapy for 2 years, but we both have contemplated if I should be on medication due to some of my symptoms that arise that basically push my loving partner away when I need her the most to help me. I need to learn to trust her, please help!