I know there is something wrong with me.. I don't work the way that everybody else does. I watch everybody else go through life, progressing, growing, achieving. I just stay the same.
I'm not always sad. Restless yes, but I'm frozen. I procrastinate everything. I miss chance after chance to succeed and go forwards in life. It's not that I don't want to do good. I do!!!! I plan, daydream, do the leg work. But then something stops. I freeze, I can't finish tasks and I can't just get things done. That's when the depression comes in to play.

It's laughable really, I finally decided at 27 I want to go to school. Chose my course, chose the routes... it's been 3 weeks and I still haven't applied. Just pulling up the laptop to apply online is too over whelming and I do EVERYTHING except for what I need to do.

I'm tired of living this way. Reading how to beat procrastination, to be motivated, fearless and successful. It all just fits into my procrastination. [emoji21][emoji21][emoji21][emoji21]

Why can't I just live a normal life and get things done? Not be too scared to leave the house, to pull up a god damn application.

I'm so angry at myself right now.