I was having huge PTSD issues yesterday at my parents' house. Flashbacks, paranoia, chills, tears, and of course fear enough to collapse a solar system.
But, I was messaging with someone.
This gets tough and you'll probably judge me for it and I'm ok with being judged, but I need to tell someone how I handled it. Maybe someone knows a better way, and I'll be telling my t in a couple weeks.
I started talking about their stuff, of which they have an enormous amount, mostly crap. I wasn't talking about just how cool it was, but how I would dispose of all of it after they are gone. I was talking about them like they were dead. They aren't, and we're both there at the time, but it was all in messaging so they had no idea. It got easier and easier and the symptoms lessened more and more by thinking how much of this crap I'm going to throw away. Not even Goodwill wants most of this garbage. It became as if this giant weight on me has a day coming that it will be lifted through circumstances. I found myself fantasizing they're not here. It wasn't entirely their particular flashbacks but my ex and the childhood sa.
One question, does it get easier when they're gone, knowing I can't do a thing about it right now?
Ok two, is this a sick and twisted way to process these feelings and alleviate symptoms?