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May 25, 2018, 05:31 PM
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Member Since: Apr 2014
Location: Home
Posts: 8,406
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Well, I guess technically rape is about consent. You may feel that you didn't consent, but it doesn't sound like you actually told him that you didn't consent. So, I don't know, if you don't tell someone "no" then they don't know you don't want them to stop. In my opinion. I'm sure others feel differently.
However, the second time it sounds like you said "no." I don't know about rape but it does sound like you were pressured, which can feel as bad as rape.
What's concerning is that you say you want more. I've never heard a rape victim suggest that they want to feel raped again.
If you feel you mostly enjoyed it, aside from feeling pressured, then I think it's okay that you would like to explore it again. Many people like BDSM. BUT, I am concerned that you are putting yourself in unnecessary danger by meeting strange men. Please be more careful. Vet these men before experimenting with them.
Seesaw
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Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder
Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia.
Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien
Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less...
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