I'm dying here. I want to hurt myself so bad. My mom keeps ordering jeans and hemming them to fit me. I'm up to size XX. I hate all the jeans too. They're horribly uncomfortable. I won't wear them when I get home. I'm trying to keep it together.

I'm not taking anymore Zyprexa. I can't believe I let myself get like this. I want "Anna" obviously I can't make good decisions with out "her". I'd rather be horribly unhealthy that way then horribly unhealthy this way. It'll be hard at first but I'll get use to it. I can't deal with this.