Mulan, do you have a support group of any kind? A group of people who understands what it feels like? I'm doing good right now, but I do go through my spells. When that happens I need someones shoulder, and when it comes time I will give them mine. It feels like a burden, but I believe that we are given a gift of sorts. We are able to understand how others may feel unlike any other people. If we can stand with each other we can make this better world to live in.