Quote:
Originally Posted by Vibrating Obsidian
What about ME feeling liked? See, this is exactly the problem, I never felt liked by that person
That person could have been more understanding to what I've been through, but all they cared about is "You are no longer the person you used to be". Of course I'm not the person I used to be, that person never even gave a damn about all that I've been through. Whether they meant to or not, that's that and that's what has happened
And literally, that person doesn't contact me anymore. And for your information no, I did not say anything bad about them that time. But now I have ALLOT! of bad things to say about them, about how much they neglected ME! MY OWN SELF! SO MUCH THAT THEY THINK I AM A DIFFERENT PERSON AND WONDERING WHAT HAPPENED TO THE "OLD PERSON", as if they don't like me anymore. That is BEYOND offensive. That is hatred of MY character!
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I am by no means attacking you, defending the other person or passing judgement on a situation I know absolutely nothing about. They might be a totally horrible person and/or very much in the wrong.
What I'm commenting on is that you seem to be attributing a lot of meaning and motive, specifically malign meaning and motive, to a very bland statement.
Other person may be saying they miss you. You could say, "geez I'm feeling a bit hurt. I'm proud of the ways of grown and changed, but it feels like you're saying you liked it better when I was X?"
Other person can then clarify that they are actually full of malice and contempt, or just that they wish you'd call them to go see the new Star Wars movie the way you used to or whatever other thing.
I don't think this is a derail from your main question because when I read contempt into everything my conversations tend to go like this:
Me: This thing happened to me.
Therapist: I see. What do you make of that?
Me: Why are you full of contempt for me?
Therapist: You see me as contemptuous?
Me: OMG. Stop. Don't be such an asshole. This is actually insulting my intelligence.
You want to fix the contempt but what actually needs fixing is the faulty lens that causes you to see contempt where it isn't.
There's a courtroom exchange between Mayella Ewell and Atticus Finch in To Kill a Mockinbird where she thinks he's making fun of her, that exemplifies just this type of dynamic. It's worth reading for further illustration.