A bit of background on my system. There are five of us: Me, Sonseearae who is six and has an alter of her own – his name is Micah and he's two years old, Lori a slider who is thirteen or fourteen depending on the day, and a man who chooses to remain nameless. I am co-conscious with all except Micah, though Sonseearae can channel him fairly well. He doesn't speak per se, but I can sense his wants and needs well with her help. One last piece of information: I am dead set against integration.

So last night Sonseearae is channeling Micah and I sense his desire to integrate with Sonseearae. I was not at all happy with the idea and looked to Sonseearae. She's leaving it up to me. Here's the thing: I love everyone in the system, I truly do – but I don't like him. He's needy, whiny, selfish...you know, kind of like a two year old so I accept it, but I don't much like it – or him.

Here's the other part of the equation: Despite her age, Sonseearae has been my best friend for twenty-five years. If she integrates with him, she's going to change and I'm going to lose my best friend. She won't tell me what she wants because she doesn't want to influence my decision but I know her well enough to know that she's got to at least be okay with it or she'd say something.

I don't know how I can say 'no' but I am really disturbed over the idea of her changing by absorbing his 'personality'. Anyway, I'm not sure what the point of this post is but it's completely overwhelming me at the moment.