Thanks very much, ByStarlight, for your story.

I'd like to add that grounding, or mooring, of some sort has been important for me, too. For me, I've found a little bit recently in spirituality -- finding my own, I guess you might call it. Religions help a little -- some interesting and helpful ideas, sometimes. And other people's experiences. But ultimately what I needed, I think, is my own which is inside. A definitely irregular meditation practice nevertheless probably helped some with this. Other people may not be like this -- I'm an introvert, don't know if that makes any difference or just that different people need different things sometimes.

Also, keeping pushing, in a direction that makes sense for me, at least in the moments, and having to change and realize the many wrong turns I took when my hopes in one direction or another were dashed. What are the alternatives? I definitely considered them, and found them lacking as well.

Trying to find what else it is that grounds me -- that's still ongoing. I'm letting go of the hope, wish, dream, fantasy that I am grounded in my/a family. I could say "trying to let go" but that wouldn't be exactly accurate. My heart is holding on tight. Reality is what it is, though.