Quote:
Originally Posted by Vibrating Obsidian
And to have a father say "They did this for survival" instead of taking the tools to deal with that external problem, he just did nothing and continue to enjoy their sloth nature at home
No one is there for me. My mother barely makes any effort. Although better than my father, still not good enough, still not fighting hard enough for me. Whatever reason it may be, I get the picture that I am not valuable enough to be fought for. Otherwise, people would join my side and help my cause
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I can understand how difficult it is when you feel other people have behaved in a contemptuous or disrespectful fashion. Or at least I understand my version of it-- as I recently decided to leave a job where my supervisor took many opportunities to communicate her lack of respect. I should not have taken it personally because she is this way with everyone who is not her administrative superior or someone she wants something from. But I do not do well with disrespect or contempt, even if it is disguised as something more like a "micro aggression."
My father abused me and my mother did not stand up for me when I was a child or when I was dealing with the consequences in therapy. The best thing I ever did was have no contact with them for about a decade. This gave me time to heal and when my mother approached me with not the greatest apology, I decided to try the relationship again as a stronger and more healed person. It went okay and I do not have a close relationship with my family, but I do have a healthy and long distance one. Bizarrely my mother is now very supportive and I hardly recognize the person that she was when I was a child. She's changed, and so have I. But I am quite sure this wouldn't have happened without the decade of disconnection.
I used to feel worthless because I grew up without anyone to support me in the way I needed to be safe. It was agonizing to realize that the fact that my mother and others did not stand up for me was not because I didn't deserve it, but because they weren't capable. I believe that many abusers choose victims based on the absence of capable others in the victims' life; makes for an easier target-- the person who does not have the support of others is easier to silence and keep silenced.
I am telling you about my experience, not telling you that you have to follow what I have done or that you should or that this is the only way to fix anything or the best way to do therapy. I hope you can take my comments in the spirit in which they were intended, that this is what has helped me and I tell you this in the remote possibility that it might be helpful.