I just can't. I allowed myself to believe for a few brief moments that I could have the thing I wanted. And then I was wrong. It hurts. I know it was short lived, but it hurts. And now I'm just devastated because if I couldn't get over this hill will this guy...I can't imagine getting over it with anyone else.

Everything is perfect. We connect on a deep level from the start. Feel like it's been going on forever, absolutely comfortable with each other, it's like walking into a movie that's already started. I have always been really clear that I want kids. We both have been honest about looking for a long term, forever relationship right from the start...but I guess he doesn't want anymore than his kids...and of course, this came out in what started as a set of joking texts about condoms. I don't expect to change anyone's mind nor do I want to try. But he's like, "this is silly to talk about over text. We will discuss it when I come over on Tuesday." I don't want to see him om Tuesday now just for him to tell me to my face he will.never want that with me.

And then of course that means I get to sit with this absolutely wretched feeling like I want to throw up for the next 3 damn days while I try to work. And of course he's texting me this at midnight while I'm catching a red eye.

Okay, whatever. I know it's just the beginning, better to end it now. But it just really sucks. I am heart broken.

Seesaw