Thanks for your responses. I feel better hearing that not everyone thinks I’m taking too long. My therapist is nice, patient and non-judgmental. I feel like I keep testing him and he is completely unfazed. Cognitively, I believe I should come out of hiding because he’s shown me that he’s safe, but I’m just not sure I know how. That’s the part that makes me feel broken. I also don’t want him to feel disappointed or like I’m a lost cause. I asked him once briefly how he thought things were going and he said he thought it was going just as it should. At the time I thought that answer was a cop out. I mean, he has to say that, right? I want to get past this so I can do the work I came here for.

One of the things that worries me is how therapy just ends after 50 minutes. I wonder if that keeps me from feeling safe. I know he cares on some level, but then he can just turn it off (I understand that he has to in order to do his job effectively), but I can’t. After therapy ends I’m sometimes left alone with my emotions and this can feel disruptive and all-consuming. Why would I want that? I can email him between sessions, but I’m not sure that’s really helpful, and he has offered me a 2nd weekly session but I can’t fit it in now due to both of our work schedules.