My (now deceased) neighbor had spent the majority of his life in prison. He had four years of probation awaiting him when he died. He had a terrible temper — threw 5 phones to the ground and destroyed all. He only lashed out at me a couple of times and me being me (the ‘old’ me?) belittled him. I think that he quickly grasped that I could not relate to his prison life... if someone spoke about prison, he was quick to relate. But we don’t have many ex-cons around here so there was no subculture for him to join. I actually came to believe that he missed being in prison.

Many prisoners do. A big reason why recidivism is so common. They're institutionalized; prison offers structure and a type of security. Good friends, good connections for whatever. But you know about this, a_c, so I'll hush up.


Oh, yeah; people respond quickly to physical diseases like >>cancer.<< I’ve had the MI stigma for decades but once I had a little (and I mean to imply ‘small and treatable’) cancer suddenly everyone was concerned. The #1 question? “Is it terminal?” I always wanted to reply, “lord god, yes; I could go at any minute! Get that casserole over here now!” But I settled for a (sheepish), “no, it’s gone now.”

Well, I'm glad you overcame the cancer - but I'm awfully sorry about the casserole

And when I get a case of that nasty stigmata, it becomes a circus around here.



I can surely relate to the idea that I need to live amongst those who are as tainted as myself. That’s why I come here. Because my transportation is so severely restricted I don’t have the ‘real life’ luxury of being amongst my own. This website (are there others like it?) can provide me with comfort, I guess.

I truly do hope that, in spite of things, you do find some comfort here. I have not found another mental health site that is nearly as active as PC is.

I didn’t disclose the extent of my mental disorders until fairly recently. I told people that I was seeing a shrink because of panic attacks. Had I even began to mutter “schizo...” I would have been disowned. My ex, now aware of my borderline personality disorder, still believes it to be the same as narcissistic personality disorder. The stigma is bad enough — the ignorance is what is so overwhelming.

Yes, yes, yes! The ignorance!

Being here might not be the best place for me. Outside of my shrink’s office, though, I don’t know where else to go. I’m seeing a new PhD/therapist on the 29th. I’m going to quiz her about a couple of things. One will be my participation here — is it good for me or bad for me?

I so understand why you're asking that question. And I so enjoy your personality and posts...selfishly, I hope her answer to you is, "It's good for you".

I’m trying to, I want to, create a new life for myself. Or maybe improve upon the life that I have. There are too many obstacles at the moment. I can’t ask for an increase in antipsychotics, though. My delusion is broken and needs mending. Or I need a new delusion.

I know how committed you are, how hard you're working, to improve your life. I see that so clearly.


I am so ****ed up right now.

I am so, so sorry to read those words. Please know that I am pulling hard for you. The psychologist on the 29th does sound promising.