I'm staying in bed because I've become terrified of being in love again. She's coming to stay for a few days, in a few days, and I want things perfect but I can't move tonight. I still have some cleaning to do, but not much, and I have to go to the grocery. I'm so afraid of it becoming everything we both say it already is but in-person. I'm terrified I'll be terrible at sex with her too, which didn't matter as to the other two women since the divorce because I didn't care about them like this.
What can I do? My neighbor keeps saying I'm manic every time she sees me and she says it's scary. I don't want to scare this woman that I'm hopelessly lost in. Right now I can barely move. I think I'm worried most that being in love trapped me before, which it did, and I'm also not sure that I was in love before with another person, though I was married for a long time. I hate my inability to move right now