spike, several times you have referred to "not being strong enough" to combat your mental illness.

Mental illness is not about being strong. Mental illness is a physical disorder. If you had a headache, a broken leg, diabetes, cancer...would you believe that you're not strong enough to heal yourself? If so, that would be crazy thinking. Mental illness is not different than any other physical disability.

That you are convinced about people putting thoughts in your head is a symptom of the brain illness you have. It is not reality. You definitely need professional psychiatric care right now. I promise you that I am sure of my words.