Rainbowzz,

Your post was added while I was posting my last response.....appreciate the clarification. You are right, your Mother has other things going & is in desparate need of therapy.

It is sad when we want to include someone in our life so badly. We continually want to give them chances over & over again, hoping that they will be the kind of person we dream of having in our life. When we feel this way, we will try everything we can possibly think of to make it happen. Sadly, there can come a time when we realize it just won't happen & that the best thing we can do for ourselves is to leave the relationship completely.....expecially if we are being harmed mentally (or physically) by the relationship. Then we always look at it & say....but we are allowing ourselves to be hurt by it? Problem is that there are some behaviours that the only normal response by anyone would be to be hurt & we aren't just allowing ourselves to be hurt because there is no other way to respond. That is the time when we have to set our boundaries & not feel bad about them.

You know your mother & it is sad that her opinions & reactions keep her from being there to support you with your bisexual issues & be able to talk to you about your feelings rationally as a mature person. By support, I don't even mean that she has to agree with your choice, but be able to discuss all sides with you, so that you would have a better understanding of where the other point of view, (moral belief) comes from. When a person reacts judgmentally as your mother does, sadly, it keeps their point of view from even being listened to & keeps them from being a good supportive parent.

Unfortunately, it sounds like you mother has many mental issues that are keeping her from being a good parent in the first place let alone being there for you on serious issues.

I guess if you have never had an encounter with your Mother or listened to her about her feelings on gays, or bisexuality, then testing out the waters might have been needed. Sometimes, we know what the response will be by just knowing the person & their personality & how they react to things previously. Then it's best to keep the confrontational issues out of the picture.

Knowing her feelings, it would have been just as good to warn Jeremy before he came about your Mother so he would be prepared. Just because someone is VERY feminine, doesn't mean they choose to act on it & live the gay lifestyle. Some people who are VERY feminine, still feel that living the gay lifestyle is morally wrong for themselves & will choose not to act on their feelings no matter how VERY feminine they feel. (the point I was making in my first post that is a conscious choice just as the choice to cheat or not cheat on ones marriage). That is why it's less likely for someone to make a rude comment if they don't know for sure that someone is living in the gay lifestyle they are opposed to & usually will continue to guess without saying anything to the person (unless they are a completely rude person as your Mother might very well be).

Sadly, there comes a point in problem relationships where we have to understand that the person just will not be there for us & will not change no matter how much we wish it would happen. That is when we have to figure out action we need to take to make sure we are no longer hurt by the relationship....parent/child, husband/wife, friend/friend.

I know you are going through a rough time & wish you the strength to take care of yourself & your new child.
Debbie