I saw your post on the other thread so I thought I'd respond. I'm sorry you're in so much pain and I'm sorry that therapy isn't an option for you. Really, long term therapy is the only thing that's been shown to be effective for attachment type issues.

There are DBT (dialectical behavioral therapy) workbooks out there for people with BPD but honestly that helps more with the impulsive behaviors which you say aren't a problem for you. I don't know if any good books or resources on attachment type issues.

It sounds like the persistent feeling of emptiness is bothering you right now and that is tied in with depression. Are you in antidepressants and if so do they help any?

It's possible to have BPD traits without meeting criteria for the full disorder. Perhaps that's where you're at?

Usually people with BPD are too quick to form attachments, very intense attachments, and that leads to lots of disruption and drama in their lives. Was that maybe the case in the past and now you're mourning not having any long lasting attachments? Just trying to understand your situation better.