Hi Itlvt,

I re-read your post to Heather several times. I just wanted to say something about "easy to say, hard to do" theory. I agree with it, and I often have the same puzzle myself, and I really struggle with it too. But again, I think this is where may be our mind power is emerging in. Out mind can send our heart opposite signals, which often confuse us on what to do, what to believe. But our mind, on the other hand, is such a thing that only believes in strength. This nature reminds me so much of horses. Horses often make us human feel inferior, not only physically. But if you ask any one has experience in training a horse, he will tell you the opposite. Horses only understand strength, everytime you got fallen off from their backs, you get back on right away, just to tell the horses you are the stronger one, you are the one in control, not them. And you know what, next time they will behave. As you reinforce this concept to them again and again, they will remember. Horses have very high sense and spirit (that's why I love them so much), they can understand human, I'm serious, and they are very honest and loyal. Often they have the same amount of fear to human as we do them, only difference is they can't speak (but I'm sure they must discuss about us to one another, "oh, this man is so strong," "no, he is an amateur"... ), and we have tools to discipline them too.

I guess what I'm trying to say is our mind needs to be trained too. When we confront with crisis, this splitting thoughts as our mind's first reaction need to be treated differently, the bright and positive side needs to be strengthened while the opposite needs to be weakened. How we control this, I think maybe using our spirit, faith, our willingness and desire to make things better, to just get ourselves taken care of. When you hear, see, and think more on the positivity, your mind will believe it, and begin to work towards it. But the mind has the same ability to do with the negative. It's a double-edge sword. You can't just let the mind go too free, because it will override you soon. Just like to free a horse on a vast grass land, they will run, it will be hard for you to catch them later, because that's their nature. In order to do it well, you got to think right and well first. If you manage to think in the right way, your action will follow up automatically and sub-consciously. I believe that the thinking and making beliefs is more important than just taking actions imprudently.

I don't know if I get myself understood, or maybe I'm just too damn stupidly optimistic. We all live our lives based on what we believe, don't we? But in my heart, I honestly and sincerely hope you find your way which makes the best for you, because I do understand what depression means...

Best,
Toni

[i] What our mind can conceive and believe, it will achieve.