I often wonder the same thing allautumn. They seem to "forget" but of course we don't. And it does make one angry and resentful.

You are not childish. You have deep pain, hurt, and many traumatic memories. You are human and now have to live and deal with whats happened to you. You are allowed to feel these things, you have a right to be angry.

My t said to me: "You tell me that you are very angry and sad at your parents, yet you don't express this too them. Why not?"

My response was: "Because they are my parents. My mother is dying from cancer, and my father just had a heart attack. How can I get angry at them as they are my parents."

He explained many things about why adults that have suffered, been tormented during these fragile years of growing up and have these feelings that you describe here are very common. He often hears the response of, "They are my parents and I can't change this." But if we never say anything, its as if we are accepting what they have done. And the feelings that we hold can not be dealt with as we don't confront their unacceptable behaviors.

I am nor was he suggesting to just totally blow up at them. And many people never say anything to the ones that have hurt them. But through counseling, journaling etc...we are then dealing with it. To be able to talk about every aspect of the abuse, all of the details of what you went through: well its healing the child and the adult by working through the mess that they have created. To stop blaming yourself for this is the first step. Its not your fault for the crap that they put you through. You did nothing wrong. And why they did this...I am not sure if there is an answer.

Do you have someone to work with you? Do you see a therapist that can help you deal with the feelings you're experiencing now?

I am sorry for what you have been through. It is so unfair of parents or caregivers to do such cruel things to the ones that count on them for a happy childhood. And I understand and empathize with you as it is maddening and can make it hard to even be around them. But I do think its good that you can express this here. It is a way of healing, I think anyway.

(((((((hugs to you))))))))), and keep writing.

Justy