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Originally Posted by Ididitmyway
They tend to find significant others among those who would always give them hope that they (the partner) are "improving" when they are not and have never intended to. Those people might show "understanding" every once in a while that is just enough to keep the co-dependent person's hopes up, which keeps them stuck in the relationship. The same thing happens with therapists. Just like with partners, people with co-dependent tendencies tend to stick with therapists who manipulate them very successfully because this is the dynamic that is very familiar to them.
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yes...thank you for explaining that so well. this is exactly how therapy was for me with my ex-T. i could not see it then when i was stuck in the crazy making turmoil muck of it all back then, but that dynamic is as clear as day to me now afterwards.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ididitmyway
If they either don't "get it" or don't want to change anything, waste no minute of your precious time and no bit of your life energy on someone who is not going to give you what you need. Move on to finding a better match for yourself or an entirely different healing approach. Don't ever work on any relationship harder than the other person does. Don't waste time, money and emotional energy on teaching anyone how to do their job. Every minute you invest into this unrewarding task you take away from your life and from other things you could be doing that would benefit you much more.
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this is exactly what i did, i moved on and found another healing approach, when it was apparent that my ex-T was not going to be able to meet my needs. what finally pushed me towards the realisation that it was time to start my 'ending stage' of therapy with my T is exactly what you state here...i definilty felt like i was working harder on the therapeutic relationship than he was. i realised that therapy was becoming a waste of my time and money for something that no longer felt helpful or rewarding for me.
i'm not sure if i would have excepted these wise words of yours in the earlier stages of therapy, when i was quite enmeshed with my ex-T, but i reckon they would have been helpful when i was starting to have my doubts. hearing them now is quite validating.