^These are details I don't remember you mentioning in that thread, and should have been remedied. But the issue really isn't in the particulars: it's your basic feeling that you are being treated unfairly, and that it must not occur. If you've been working analytically, the theory of infant anger is familiar. Life is full of unfairnesses, but that's its nature. I've found that "shoulds" in life have correlated with degrees of frustration: the more I can abandon the idea of "what should be," the less frustration I experience. It has little really to do with the "shoulds" but more to do with seeing myself as someone who can step out of the way, or move around, or compromise, or define a different path that allows me to feel in control--or accept my lack of control, ultimately (not sure anyone except the Dalai Lama can get there 100%!)

But I think you're also exaggerating the rosiness of her changing circumstances in order to feed your resentment. Moving is an upheaval and not much fun for most people. She is getting time away from her University because that structure exists, but it isn't without a trade-off: most Univ allow for a sabbatical once every 6 years with 1/2 pay for a year or full pay for a semester. A leave of absence often comes with no pay. Her return trips may also be to satisfy some Univ requirement, as well as check in with clients. And daily care of a special needs child can be stressful.


Some of the feeling of resentment is a natural reaction, but you have a choice whether or not to magnify it by how you define the situation you find yourself in.

ETA: So she can't do anything that is acceptable to you. She must act only on your terms and have no independent reality apart from you. That's an infant's world view.