I hit a mania (or hypomania I don't yet understand the difference) yesterday. In fact, stayed up all night researching an idea that I have to write a book.

For those of you who read my introduction post, my husband came home from work. I could tell something was wrong. He said the DNA that my youngest daughter pursued came back it was 100% not the guy I thought it was (if it wasn't him). I calmly listened to everything he had to say. When I said it felt like everyone was throwing everything they had at me at once he exploded and said I always turn things around to make it about me. I wasn't. I simply stated how I felt. THIS is the reason I can't talk to him. I have to sit and listen for HOURS talk about his feelings. But the first time I mention mine it causes an argument. It is so hard to have all these racing thoughts and no one at home to talk to.

I told him I wanted a DNA test with him because the only two people I can remember beign with during that were those two. My daughter keeps insisting 23&Me says this woman who only has one son is her grandmother. She gave me the name of the son. THat name does not ring any kind of bell with me.

This is so hard and confusing. It was especially hard when I was already trying to calm my mind from the racing thoughts. I'm not proud of myself. I went ballistic (again). Started crying and rocking and screaming uncontrollably. WHen he tried to touch me I started swatting him away.

He keeps saying he's here for me. It doesn't feel like it. Why can't he just tell the kids to stop until I at least get up to my maintenance dose of medicine?

It's an awful day. Thanks for letting me vent. Hopefully no one here will explode on me.