It sounds like this woman has similar damages you have SorryShaped. It sounds like both of you "want" to experience a positive healthy relationship but neither one of you actually know "how". So, while maybe both of you were excited, you also experienced fears and doubts. Both of you also wanted to have a positive sexual experience and because of the alcohol that did not work out. IMHO, it would be healthier to focus more on getting to know each other rather than focusing so much on having some kind of "good sex" experience and the "am I going to be good enough" thoughts.

Honestly, sometimes having things all fall apart as you described can get the fear of that out first and can open a door for a discussion that can be healing for both of you and bring you closer rather than these "expectations" you both had that was clearly causing BOTH of you to stress so much.