So, I was raped [Trigger] and I think about what happened not the specifics but emotions idk how to explain it. It wasn't until recently when I realized something that basically turned all my thoughts upside down. I realized that my first sexual experience was when I was raped [trigger] the last person I kissed (the second person I have ever kissed in my life) was the guy that raped me [trigger]. I think about it and realize these things trying to figure out how to get him off of my lips and off of my body, when I take a shower I viciously scrub my body not wanting him to be there. I just cant believe my first sexual experience was when I was raped [trigger]. I keep thinking about it because I cant stop I want those thoughts to go away and I just cry thinking about it.

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