Hello TootPoodah: I see this is your first post, here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral. I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.

I'm sorry you & your spouse are having this difficulty. Here are links to some articles, from PsychCentral's archives, that may of interest. This looks like a lot of reading. But the articles are short. So it's not as much as it may appear:

https://psychcentral.com/quizzes/sus...marriage-quiz/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/7-rese...marriage-work/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/the-7-...relationships/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/couple...n-try-at-home/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/want-to...common-advice/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/good-co...-with-respect/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/couples-counseling/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/marriag...dium=popular17

https://psychcentral.com/blog/dont-f...a-in-nuptials/

One additional forum, here on PC, that may be of interest would be the relationships & comunication forum. Here's a link:

https://forums.psychcentral.com/rela...communication/

I wish you both well...