Quote:
Originally Posted by Moonrisemoss
So I recently feel like I am at a crossroad with a long term female friend.
We met in uni and had a close bond, however through the course of the years she betrayed me. I don't care much for it now, but to put it in context my friend hooked up with a guy I was seeing without me knowing after witnessing her flirt openly in front of me to later find out that she went home with him one evening when I wasn't around. I did confront her at the time and asked how this was ok, she however dismissed it and didn't see it as an issue because we were not dating. 
I distanced myself for a number of months after the incident but we went back to spending time together again without ever touching on the subject again so it was not ever truly resolved. I chose to reduce our time to only having coffees and occasionally hanging out as she would behave mostly like this around alcohol and social environments.
Although recently I am faced with the awful feeling of her making advances towards my present boyfriend whom I am very close with and share a really good relationship with. I have kept her away thus far but we recently went out for my birthday and I got irked to see her pull the same type of behaviour with my present partner. She has been forceful in wanting to be a part of my relationship and wanting to get to know him but I absolutely feel horrified to integrate her into my life at that personal level as she can be flirtatious and oblivious to her behaviour even though I have spoken to her about this.
Where the conflict within my psyche comes in is that a year ago she offered me to take her place at a job that she no longer wanted and I took her up on the offer. It was a great help and I feel incredibly grateful for the good things she has done for me, however this issue that I have seen in the past has resurfaced and I am finding it to be unbearable to witness. I trust my boyfriend 100% and he has zero interest but I am mortified to have her in my personal space again because it is uncomfortable and inappropriate of her. I have only witnessed how this is an integral part of her personality and she won't change.
I am wanting to severe the friendship but am I being ungrateful for the good things she has done for me or is this just unacceptable behaviour on her part? |
don't hold yourself forever obligated to someone that once did something to benefit you. Sure you can be grateful but that in no way should imply that you allow bad behavior regardless of who they are and what they've done. there is no string tied to her helping you get a job nor does it give her the rights to intrude on your relationship with your boyfriend, act slutty by coming onto men that are already attached etc.
Two separate things. say 'thank you for your help' when appropriate and tell the same person to gtfo when they are obviously detrimental to your well being and feeling secure in your relationship. no one needs a so called friend that flirts with their SO.