Since therapy is not available at this moment for you, I would forget about the DSM critaria and I would do some research about the disorder itself. Focussing specially on your own flaws, that is, which causes intervine while you are interacting with your loved people. How do you read the situations, how you react...in which way your own self-perception interferes in the way your read others.

I know it’s not gonna be very helpful when overcoming fear of abandonment regards but it can help you to know yourself better.
One main problems why relations with others fail is bc of the way we interpret what happens around us. Cognitive distortions.

You may find interesting this link

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2816926/

I found this article more clarifying than the previous one.
I’m also learning, as you. :-)

https://www.menningerclinic.com/clin...es/mentalizing

Like you, I don’t see that I fit strongly with the critaria for the diagnosis but each person display the disorder in a different level. But, as long as you can learn and work on your own traits, the better.
I don’t cut myself either or seek suicide, or feel a strong emptiness...however I display other symptoms.
From what I read, borderline personality disorder can display a great amount of different symptoms so much that doctors sometimes find difficult to diagnose.