Hello Peak!!! Welcome to the forum. I’m ‘relatively’ new myself.

When I read your post the first thing I felt was awe. Really—awe.

I am in awe of your ‘awareness’ of yourself and what you are doing. I know so many people so much older than you who are not aware of what they are doing or doing to themselves. And awareness is huge; it’s a good thing. So good for you.

Hey everybody wants attention to different degrees—so you are not alone. The second thing that hit me was how badly you beat yourself up. You say things like you are self-pitying, selfish, ignorant (that you certainly are NOT), immature, disgusting, trash, liar, trickster, not worthy, complainer, feeling sorry for self, and childish.

That’s quite a list of verbal assaults. Would you like seeing someone else call another person all those things? No. Then quit treating yourself like this—beating yourself up will not help. If you’ve ever been yelled at, or seen others yelled at with assaults—you can see them shut down. Quit doing this to you.

You are not crazy, and you have identified the problem. Now what to do…

You’re 15—but maybe you could ask for therapy a therapist. If not, do you have an older (like in their 30s), wiser, person—you trust—who you could talk with? Talking can get these feelings out—coming here might help that also.

Why are you seeking attention? Are you lonely, have low self-esteem, depressed, don’t feel valued at home---what ever it is; it might help to figure that out.

But even without knowing there are things you can do to minimalize it. As a teen, I did the opposite; I tried to be invisible. But I had the same hatred of self. I was one messed up teen, fersure!

If you want to know what I did to help myself out PM me and I’ll tell you. I’m not diagnosing you, just telling you what worked for me in my life.

Mostly, what I want you to take away is you are NOT alone—you are NOT any of the words you beat yourself up with—you are bright and perceptive==and again I am in awe of you.

Now, take care of you.