Recently (as of today) I’ve realized just how unmotivated I’ve become in recent years. I think it began when my husband died. I used to do things. I used to cook, and enjoy cooking. I used to clean, though I never enjoyed it. I used to enjoy making crafts, like knitting and making jewelry. I haven’t done those for over ten years. I used to read all the time, and now I have two books that I bought just sitting unopened in my mail bin. They should be really interesting books too, but I can’t motivate myself to open them and read them. Most of my day is spent sleeping, surfing Facebook, and coming here. I love being outside yet can’t motivate myself to go for a walk to the local botanical garden (only 15 minute walk).

I just don’t know how to get myself moving again. Now that I’m not working I feel like I have no purpose. I’m lost. I will be discharged from IOP soon and then I will have nothing but time on my hands. I will need to structure my day, otherwise I will just sleep all day. I’m already exhausted enough from sleeping too much.

Has anyone experienced this? I don’t want to mess with my meds as I’ve been stable on them for about three weeks (minus a little dip into depression because of PMS) which is longest I’ve been stable since January. I don’t think it’s the meds causing this really. Like I said it’s been going on since my husband died, especially the cooking and cleaning part. I just think, what’s the point of being a housewife for just myself? My son only eats peanut butter sandwiches anyway lol.

I just want to get some drive and direction back in my life. Get some hobbies or something. I’d love to meet up with people and make new friends but I’m way too socially anxious for that. I’m considering going to a dbsa or Nami meeting. They have both in my area. I went to dbsa back in January and didn’t go back only because it’s at an inopportune time but now it would probably work.

Anyone relate?