Some brief background: I've been working with my therapist for almost 5 years. Maybe six months ago she offered to have email be "a part of our work," because I often struggle to articulate what I'm feeling in session. I end up feeling frustrated and stuck. Email has been helpful in allowimg me to introduce topics I'd like her to help me discuss, and to broach things that I feel too ashamed to bring up in person. On average I've probably been emailing her every other week.

In the last month or so though, I've been feeling increasingly compelled to contact her between sessions - to connect, to seek reassurance, to clarify session topics, to ask questions. The desire is pretty directly related to increased intensity of the work we've been doing. At the same time, I'm also feeling increasingly worried about asking her for too much.

I'm thinking about proposing that I pay her for email contact as a way to contain my guilt/worry. If I'm paying her then it becomes much more transactional and maybe I can feel freer in writing longer, more detailed emails. Ultimately I want to be able to talk about these things with her directly, without email as an intermediary, but years of self-censorship tell me that I don't know if I'll ever get there if I'm just relying on face-to-face conversations.

I'm wondering if anyone has experience with paying for email contact. I'd love to hear about the logistics and how it's influenced your course of therapy (or not).