Sleepyspoon, it's so hard how a rough patch in our life so easily triggers substance use. The urge to feel better right now is a strong pull that is so hard to resist. My only suggestion is if you aren't seeing a therapist maybe seek one out. Know that finding a good therapist that you can open up to can take some time...it did for me. There are good ones out there that can give us some tools to walk through these tough times. I wish you well