I'll express my more rational side
I don't see a point in living life if there is no relationship involved. However, due to my HF-ASD and lacking social skills, I will not have the accommodating social skills in order to thrive well along the future with a family who can keep up with the pace of reality
Pessimistic as it may seem, I also have high standards of myself, and because they are not fulfilled, I do not wish to live
I could go to work because *yawn* "you have to go to work". But with no romantic relationship (heck, not even any other relationship due to my extremely high sensitivity to abusive behavior), I see it as pointless, other than using the money to buy things for myself, which is rather boring. I would love to use that money to give, but it's not like I have any friends I can give to

Yes, I could be a better person, but ever since my suicide attempt a few months ago, I worry I have come to a stance

Life is boring when it's all selfish and all about me. My family would never let me give anything. They would reject my offerings, and then could blame me with things like "You don't care about me", or any other bad scoldings

Let's look at this from a more overall perspective - I am a person living in a pretty much socially isolated family

I get this feeling I am sometimes convincing people I am worthless, rather than convincing them I am worthy

I lost interest connecting with people a long time ago
I have a selfish thought of - if I'm not high quality, then I am no quality, and it's true for me

Back to the relationship topic - getting a relationship for "having kids" is absolutely boring. I want a relationship for its experience, not just because people tell you to do it. Boring, not interesting

Just, give me a suicide pill. I really don't care anymore. Let me end this life peacefully. Rather own the fact that my life has ended than compromise and live in mediocrity