Shirley, you seem to be asking the question, "when does s%#@ STOP happening?" heres the answer, when we stop seeing it as (bleep) and start seeing it as the good and perfect will of the father in our lives. Was it his will that you were raped, NO...but can he now use you to help others (if you will) did he choose your husband? NO, but can he use you to show HIS love to him and start to effect change...(if you will) All of the (bleep) that you've gone thru can only be processed in one of two ways, the first is to feel powerless and hopeless about it which leads to depression and self pity, OR you can choose to praise God for the grace he's afforded you which allows you to say,"not my will,but your will be done Lord" Only he can take that which was meant for evil against you and turn it into good in your life. I know what it is to suffer with depression and I rebuke the suffering and defeated spirit which is responsible...in the name of Jesus!