I think i USED to be subtle, but people nowadays take that as passive-aggressive. I was often encouraged thru the years to be "assertive, not aggressive". There were often "assertiveness training" programs offered and books written. How to get what you want, or get your point across, without stepping on the other person.

Its very difficult if your family ALWAYS says no. It leaves you completely unprepared for the outside world. My mother believed that by her always winning, she was SHOWING me how to win. No - she was just teaching me how to lose.