What a way I spent my birthday yesterday.....steaming angry with puppy kisses trying to make it better. If I can give myself one gift, that is to have the final realization that I am doing the right thing when I kick him completely out of my life. No second doubts....no thinking I'm not giving him enough time or benefit of the doubt.

When you tell someone over & over & over for 32 years & in the final 6 months insist that without communication, there can be no marriage....all the time they are agreeing, but withholding this huge information. There is no doubt left in my mind that I am doing the right thing is kicking him out of my life....knowing I can't possibly live this way anymore.

I have to admit, it's kind of lonley spending your birthday all alone with just my doggies. I was going to go out to dinner at the awsome restaurant just down the highway, but it was 15 degrees out & I just didn't feel like getting that cold, just to go out for dinner.

I have no family left except for my daughter who lives across the country from me....but I got a special call from her....she knows what is going on at least. Luckily, I didn't get a call from his parents.....they sent a check....it must be a family thing....throw money at people & that's all you have to do to show you care. I feel bad accepting their check...knowing quite well if my husband was honest with them, they wouldn't even be doing that.....of course not....how dare I treat their son that way????? Actually I don't know how they will feel about the divorce but I'm sure they will never know the truth about how their son destroyed the marriage from the beginning & even if they would listen to the whole story, they would still chose to see what they want to see.

The most awsome part of my birthday even if I was alone was that I am in my own house that is peaceful....in beautiful country....to just sit & look out my windows at the country is a blessing....knowing that I never have to go back to living the way I have for the last 32 years.....that is present enough.

The reality of Monday hits & locating a good tax lawyer in highest priority....control the damage as much as possible....& find out if the IRS is even correct in the first place. That's the problem with allowing someone who thinks they know everything be in charge when we aren't well. If I had been alone, I would have hired a tax accountant to do the taxes that year & never would have had this problem. It's best to be alone when you can't depend on the person you are with.

I talked to my California psychologist last night & he has been reinforcing my thinking that my husband will never change......he can't motivate himself to want to change, so he says he CAN'T. I found out from my psychologist that my husband is going to continue seeing him.....paying him with his own money now that I have a therapist here in KY. Sadly, he doesn't have anything positive to say about my husband either...he's finally letting me know that the only thing to do is to get out of the relationship. He said that only a person who has the same shallowness could survive with a person like him.

This is the beginning of my new year & a new life. Getting used to not sharing things that are pretty, cute, interesting.....not having someone to get excited about things around (even if I guess they really didn't care anyway), not having someone to talk to....is the rough part of being alone. I guess with time, I will get used to that.....& honestly, it is better to be alone than to be pushed into being an angry, raging person who is just about to loose it when they are around the other person.....it's just a matter of getting used to some things & appreciating the peace above all else.

A peaceful life is definitely a wonderful birthday present.

Gary, thanks for the IRS info....I appreciate the insight.

Pat, you are right....that's definitely the icing on the birthday cake....lol. that's actualy the last nail in his coffin.

Debbie