Exactly this. I don't want to use it as an excuse - no matter what the reasons, I did things that hurt my bf and I am sorry for that. But I was totally messed up back then, grown up wrong... After the relationship ended, I started therapy, and it's taken me ten years of hard work to get to a better place. I couldn't possibly have known how to be or do better back then.

Thank you for your kind reply, Open_Eyes <3