i had sciatica and something called complex regional pain syndrome. i was bed ridden for 2 years totally unable to walk. i would drag myself to the bathroom. lost 100 pounds from vomiting anything i ate.

the doctor had me on 120mg oxy lr x2 a day with 5mg oxy ir for breakthrough pain. needless to say, my life revolved around my meds. with luck i would get 2 hours of tolerable pain, if i didn't move and no one touched me.

to say it was hard would be an understatement. the only way to describe the pain would be to imagine you were on fire and someone tried to put it out with a rake.

i took that electrical test 3 or 4 times. i have moderate nerve damage in both legs and lost some basic reflexes. that was from the sciatica. the crps is just one of those things people don't understand. it could come back. it might not.

the following years was spent learning to walk again. the muscles atrophied and shortened/tightened. i was left with a severely impairing crouch/lean to the right, and was unable to stand upright. the pain of stretching out was bad, but not as bad. i still lose my balance frequently and walk into things.

i guess what got me through it was the idea of impermanence and transition. the idea no matter how bad things might be, they would change. i also began to hate my body for betraying me. my mind and body sort of seperated. my body felt the pain, my mind didn't, or didn't have to. the imposition drove me forward and through some unbearable moments that had me crying and puking.

i wish the best for you. for me gabapentin (a late addition to my treatment) capped the pain. so while the level will made me puke, it didn't escalate endlessly to the point my teeth would hurt and the bed sheets were like lava.

little victories. little dreams. day-to-day. spot small kindnesses and make your world tolerable by finding something, someone, anything, that makes being bearable.