Sometimes life seems so bleak I don't have any hope of feeling good again.

Today it's a bad mood, anxiety, tinnitus, headache, fatigue, lack of appetite, irritability and my great fear that my cancer will come back. I get preoccupied with worry that I will die soon but on the other hand have nothing to live for except my son, but we have a fraught relationship.

It's a whammy, serious mental health illnesses, serious physical illness, fatigue, social isolation, not working anymore. I spend my days ruminating. Don't have the energy or focus to get interested in anything. If it weren't for running errands and taking my son places I would do practically nothing.

I just wish I felt good in my body or in my mind or that I was in a loving environment or that I felt secure in my attachments, or that there was just one thing to really look forward to everyday.

Maybe an answer for me is to start to practise gratitude. Gratitude that my life hasn't fallen completely apart.