It's a long story so I will keep it short as much as I can

4 years ago I started talking online out of boredom, and I wasn't looking for friends or anything. I just wanted to learn new things, discuss, debate and spread positivity. I never revealed my identity and never let it go beyond the chat. However I met a guy (call him H) and we got along so well, we exchanged emails. I still remained anonymous in the sense that he doesn't know much about my real identity. but we talked everyday for about 2 years. however he comes from a place where the education system is horrible (exams nearly everyday) and he desperately needed a ticket out. To do that he needed a scholarship and be the top student despite the odds. So he prioritised that and we stopped talking more and more. Of course, I agree to that choice but I still was hurt. I see it as him leaving me (he still managed to go to the gym, which he always needed to release his stress but not enough time to talk to me). I forgot him, got over him after LOTS of tears and heartache and i forgot he even existed afterwards.

After that 2 years, 2 years ago I met another guy (call him M) online by accident on a forum. We were so close and he was like a soulmate to me (we're not in a romantic relationship, but we don't need a status. we're not in love in the romantic sense, but more so in love with how we get along with each other). Also, he came when I was in a bad place. Really bad place. and he sort of helped me to get through it. he was a special person to me and we are so good together. but I am also VERY opinionated and so we always argue. our good times are special, our fights are like fire vs fire. but we always make it up again, because we can't go more than 2 days not talking. we talk everyday. there's no secret between us. we're even like an unofficially married couple after 2 years.

H on the other hand managed to get out despite ALL the odds, he got the scholarship, he is in Italy now. He messaged me, and i always ignore him. i really dont feel anything towards him. also he never forgets my birthday. sometimes i reply most of the times I don't. but in my recent routine fights with M, I went to H and asked him his opinions on the issue we were debating about. H sided with me, so I screenshot his messages and send it to M and say see how wrong you are? etc. And also made comments about how H is a thousand times better than M. M in anger was convinced H would relate to him about how a headache I can be so he said please give me H's email. I asked H and H was willing to because of me so I gave M H's email.

M was awed by H's 'zen' and 'calmness'. He is, a kind soul, a listener, calm and nice person overall. M felt a heavy need to change, mostly because he didn;'t want us to fight anymore. He is very emotional, he feels things very deeply, and like grey things while I am more black and white especially when solving a problem. So M started wanting to change (he promised this countless times before but voila, 2 years of the same cycles). M made a group chat for 3 of us so that H can be the 'moderator' whenever we get into our fire vs fire fights. but sometimes H isn't there so we still got into fights and then H would come and help us reconcile. and M would be reminded about the 'change' he promised. I always leave the group when we fight.

Our last fight was 2 weeks ago. But me and M reconciled.and we were back to our good times. M asked me to rank people in my life for fun, and i ranked H 5/10 and M 7/10. M was surprised, he always thought H would be higher because he had the impression that I think H is 1000 better than him. He is in some ways, but M is my attachment not H. We were having a good time talking as always but the next morning I replied to his messages and it was not sent. I panicked and thought it was a technical problem so I contacted google hangouts. I also contacted H and guess what, my messages weren't sent as well. They both blocked me overnight for no reason or explanation. M and his emotional bipolar sides I can understand, but this is not H's style. I was convinced something happened. and i panicked. i even contacted M's university in USA to find him and check that he is okay. That was how panicked I was. I cried a lot last week, they wouldn't explain or respond to my emails. I was worried, I was scared. But what are the odds of them blocking me at the same time. NONE of it makes sense. we were doing so well and so happy. I don't fight with H too (hardly ever fight with H).

It was not until I created a new email, and created the group chat again that it hit me. I was happy that my messages went through this time, with this new email, but when H came on, he left without a word. and so did M later on. I was heartbroken. it was not an accident or a technical issue. It is voluntary. Without reason or explanation. This happened on the 26th May. it's nearly 1 week now and still no words.

Please help me. What do you think happened? This is breaking my heart into pieces. so much.